Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
