Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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