sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
im six kinds of drunk right now
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
