I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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