She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize