i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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