i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
no. you can't hotbox the world.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
