He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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