That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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