I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
