i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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