Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize