just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
