24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
