so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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