i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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