hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
