I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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