somebody snuck up and got me drunk
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
