Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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