i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
