His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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