As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We don't watch enough power rangers
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
