I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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