Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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