man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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