mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
