Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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