When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
