Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
