just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
