my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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