dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were trust falling into bushes
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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