my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
