Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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