Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
