I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
