Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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