dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
