Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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