Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Text me some of your sweat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
