Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
