saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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