Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
