guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
