i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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