I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
