wat bout pragnant strippers??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
