This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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