hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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