I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
