why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
