I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
