Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
