If i come over, it means nothing
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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