I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
