theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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