Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
