I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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