the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
