i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
