last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
