I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
