wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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