He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
