Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
