I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
