I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
we should paint friendship bongs
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