So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
