when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
