Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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