Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
