In the future we'll all be gay
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You left your phone here
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